1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm ly-
ing under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the
sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or
after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just
because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not
food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-
deposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the
backyard with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for mom's driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's
on the toilet.