Some One Liners

Art Of Conversation
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right
thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to
get away from.
- Jodie Foster (b.1962)

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart --

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.

There is an angel inside of me whom I am constantly shocking.

Stupid risks are what make life worth living.
- Homer Simpson,

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your
face.
-- Ben Williams

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't
got the guts to bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg

Age
----
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing
aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.

UnHappiness
-----------
The main cause for failure and unhappiness is trading what you
want most for what you want at the moment.

Things Going Wrong
-------------------
"When things go wrong, don't go with them."

ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss.

"Some of the narrowest minds are found in the fattest heads."
-- Anonymous

Egotist
-------
"An egotist is a man who plays too big a part in his own life."
-- Mo Dest

Age
----
Remember: You're only middle aged once.

What did Hitler use to tie his shoes?
Little Knotsies.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Nun.

How many real estate (sp?) agents does to take to change
a light bulb? Ten, but we'll accept eight.

How many surreal artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A fish.

"Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is
always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs."
- P.J. O'Rourke

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result
of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and
appreciating what we do have."
~ Frederick Koenig

"If your outgo exceeds your income, it won't be long before your upkeep is
your downfall."
-- Consumer's Caution

What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
A Stick.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the 'Y' becomes silent.

In the US, it takes more brainpower to fill out the income tax
forms than it does to earn the income in the first place.

So if the world is truly getting "smaller", how come the
US Postal rates keep going up ?

Hospitals still have private and semi-private accommodations.
If you have an HMO though, semi-private means two to a bed.

Strange how people who don't even know their neighbors, are
extremely curious to know if there's extra-terrestrial life.

Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.

Sign in a repair shop door:
"We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door -
the bell doesn't work.)"