If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
Then take a dump in the woods. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out
of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wanna be a bear.