One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father
stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes,
I'd love to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of
the evening that Dad finally confessed that his question had
actually been directed to the family dog, laying near Mom's
feet on the kitchen floor.

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on
his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled,
"there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at
six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

I like hunting fossils, a hobby that isn't exactly my wife's
favorite. On one excursion, I found the petrified bones of a
squirrel-like mammal. When I brought them home and told my
wife what they were, she squelched my excitement.

"I've heard of many a squirrel bringing a nut home," she remarked,
"but this is the first time I've heard of a nut bringing a squirrel
home."

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."