1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to
be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too!

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.

4. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

5. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

6. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

7. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

8. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
you're the statue.

* I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

* Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and
I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

* On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.