Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict
pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict
pain on oneself.

Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the
damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down