A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a
five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like
this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with
my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed
one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was
my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped
the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking
lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off
on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and
off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the

A recent retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons,
explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro
showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball
toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway
and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro
finally said, once he was able to speak again.

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a
magazine.

Suddenly, she burst out laughing.

"Listen to this," she said.

"There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife
for a season ticket to the stadium."

"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"

"Absolutely not," he said.

"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."

"Season's more than half over," he said.