Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal,
made it to a practice to visit the classes from
time to time. One day a week, he walked into Miss
Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were
studying American History. Mr. Jones asked
the class how many states they could name. They came
up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that
in his day students knew the names of all the states.

From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yes,
but in those days there were only 13!"

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the
drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies,
"What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says
to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer,
which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no
stipulation of remuneration."

His mother was now living in Miami Beach, and
the young man didn't see her that often. His father
was no longer around and he was worried that
Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased
a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages.
He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother.

A few days later, he called. "Ma, what do you think
of the bird?"

"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have
cooked it longer."

"You ate the bird?!? Ma, the bird was very expensive.
It spoke seven languages!"

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a
large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the
other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man
prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to
cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was
able to swim across the river in about two hours, after
almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second
man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength
..and the tools to cross this river."

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to
guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he
hesitated.
"I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is
that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because
of your looks or ten years older because of your intelligence."

A duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants
when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all
over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the duke. "I must
find him."

After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes
across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the
boy admits that it was he who
shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows