A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite
in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We
really like it, but I don't think we can afford it."

The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment...
then you don't make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and
says, "Who told you about us?"

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling
alleys.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is
winning.

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many
dead rabbits on the highway?

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me
shuck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his
wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power
shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead.

"Ah," he sighed, "that must be her checking out now."