Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.

Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport,comes a true
story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police
patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the
evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that
he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few
minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an
eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to
find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye

A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix...
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the
patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told
him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown
down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive
tape, the ultra sticky kind... Written in large black letters was the

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a
felony trial. It went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer -- do you have

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted
a man driving very erratically through the
streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over
and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so
me and the lads stopped by the pub where I
had six or seven pints. And then there was
something called "Happy Hour" and they served
these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I
had four or five o' those. Then I had to
drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness;
couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.
Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to
be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too!

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the
country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back they
were a few miles from home when they ran out of gas. They
were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck
approached.
Seeing ladies of the cloth in distress, the driver stopped to offer
his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas. The driver
of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his tank but
he didn't have a bucket or can.
One of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if