** How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids:

- Mess Test

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

- Toy Test

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing
tacks if you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house.
Put on blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or
kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

- Grocery Store Test

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them
with