Here are some of the one-liners over the years which
helped to make Bob Hope the incomparable comic that he was:

"I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England." - Explaining why his
family emigrated to the USA when he was four.

"I always like to go to Washington DC. It gives me a chance to visit my
money." - On touring the US Treasury.

"Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career."

"My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a
bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade."

Country fences need to be horse high,
pig tight and bull strong

Life is not about how fast you run, or
how high you climb, but how well you
bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

Mortgaging a future crop is saddling a wobbly colt.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.

Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

To know how country folks are doing,

Some One Liners

Art Of Conversation
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right
thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the
wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to
get away from.
- Jodie Foster (b.1962)

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart --

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.