I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside
and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked,
"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly," everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on

the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
Mommy.
"Oh."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother
with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town
that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his
father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances come in white."

His mother was now living in Miami Beach, and
the young man didn't see her that often. His father
was no longer around and he was worried that
Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased
a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages.
He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother.

A few days later, he called. "Ma, what do you think
of the bird?"

"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have
cooked it longer."

"You ate the bird?!? Ma, the bird was very expensive.
It spoke seven languages!"