Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, she arranged to have
her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C. airport. This meant a
stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where
her husband was asked: "What is your reason for entering the country?"
and "How long are you planning to stay?" He replied that he was picking
his wife up at the airport after her trip to England. Without missing a
beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same businesslike tone:
"Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary.

On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that
because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant
each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with
1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.

Each kid plays two sports and either takes
music or dance classes.

There is no access to fast food.

Each man must take care of his 4 kids,
keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework,
complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.

The men only have access to television When the kids
are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one
TV between them and . ...there is NO REMOTE

*****

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily,

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking
around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing/" she asked. "Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh!, Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a
beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping
stops. The others look at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin
of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm
to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone.
I have a microchip in my hand."

The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna.
In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending

On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down
in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft
reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her
feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all
by himself. "How romantic!" she thought.

Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner
to be served. She tip-toed to the kitchen and found it a
colossal mess.
Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from
the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.
"Almost ready!" he vowed.

"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"

Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me
to water while she was gone.

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a
wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched
for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man
back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon
as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the
bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to

John Smith took his collection of disabled umbrellas
to the repairer's. Two days later, on his way to work,
he got up to leave the bus and absentmindedly laid
hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him.

"Stop, thief!" cried the woman, and at once she rescued
her umbrella, and covered him with shame and confusion.

Later that same day, John stopped by the repairer's shop
and received all ten of his umbrellas repaired and working
fine. As he entered the bus, with the umbrella bundle in his
hands, he was horrified to behold the lady of his morning

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are
my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my
friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I
have LOTS of money.