Never give me work in the morning.
Always wait until 4:00 and then bringit to me.
The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me
every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going.
That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

Always leave without telling anyone where you're going.
It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,
don't open the door for me.
I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.