The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the
drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies,
"What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says
to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer,
which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no
stipulation of remuneration."

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a
fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you
pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer,

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness
was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally
figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he
died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough
money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags
of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan:
When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way
to Heaven.

Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.

Judge: And why is that?

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.

Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's
motion?

Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.

A lawyer is walking down the street, and he accidentally steps in a pile
of dog poop.
A few seconds later he happens to be looking down at his feet, and he
notices it dripping from his shoe.
He screams, "Aaahhhh! I'm melting!"