-- The later you stay up, the earlier your child will
wake up the next morning.
-- For a child to become clean, something else must
become dirty.
---Toys multiply to fill any space available.
---The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less
your child will like it.
---Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
---If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
---The surest way to get something done is to tell a
child not to do it.
---The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up
on the carpet.
---Backing the car out of the driveway causes your

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the
pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions
to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little
Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?"

Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the
pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little
Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking
at it.

As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual
food - drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside
and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked,
"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly," everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on

the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
Mommy.
"Oh."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand
how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the
Spanish explorers.

"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep
who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual
clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date

A blonde teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation... Trying
to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my
head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn
red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't
run into my feet?"

The answer came from the back of the class, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said,"Well, I'll run in and out and in an out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed
his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in
the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm
gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to
jump the gun, I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and
said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that
calf going when he hit that cow?"

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of
4-to-8-year-olds: "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could
have imagined. See what you think.

"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff
gets in the way."
Charlie, age 5

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and
paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her
all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's
love."
Rebecca, age 8

Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal,
made it to a practice to visit the classes from
time to time. One day a week, he walked into Miss
Smith's 4th grade class, where the children were
studying American History. Mr. Jones asked
the class how many states they could name. They came
up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that
in his day students knew the names of all the states.

From the back of the room Little Johnny yelled, "Yes,
but in those days there were only 13!"

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly.
"I know what the word 'Bible' means!"

His father smiled and replied..... "What do you mean, you 'know
what the word Bible means'?"

The son replied, "I mean I figured out what the word stands
for!"

"Okay," said his father. "So, Son, what does the word 'Bible'
stand for?"

"That's easy, Daddy..." said the boy, "It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth'."