Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
to Heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful
you were to your wives on Earth.

Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my
wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I
had to have them all.

God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down
truck that barely moves.

Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once,
just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong
turn. Please forgive me!

God: My man, I am ashmed of you too. But I will be kinder to you.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in heaven? If so - will I have to apologize?

How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom if ever smell each other?
Where are their priorities?

When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine,
so...I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed
my blessing?

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch or is it the same old story?

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they
have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to
play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
Don't hit the ducks.

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks
"The ducks?"

"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking
around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one
next to him squawks and soon they're all squawking to beat the