A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,
"What's with these guys? We musthave been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.

A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard
times, approaches a well-dressed gentleman on the street.
"Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?"

The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going
to spend it on liquor are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum. "You are not
going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks
the gentleman.

"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum. "You wouldn't
waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would
you?" asks the man.

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar,
the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by
his side.

She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye--and said, "This isn't going
to take all day, is it?"

An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and
joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first
time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he could play
because they were already out on the course.

He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.
Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked
how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said "I really
don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only
real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."

A man takes the day off work and
decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is
about to shoot when he
hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't
see anyone. Again, he
hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the
cup. He is shocked. He says

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a
pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

On a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon, a guy
stood on the first tee at his country club. He had
just pulled out his driver when a young woman in
a wedding gown came running up to him, crying.

"You creep!" she screamed in his face. "You
lousy no-good rotten stinking creep!"

"What's your problem, sweetie?" he calmly replied.
"I distinctly told you 'only if it rained'."

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they
have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to
play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
Don't hit the ducks.

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks
"The ducks?"

"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking
around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one
next to him squawks and soon they're all squawking to beat the

A Texas billionaire had fallen ill. Doctors consulted did not seem to
understand what ailed him. The billionaire let it be known that any
doctor who could heal him could have whatever he desired. A country
doctor was finally able to cure him and, as the doctor was leaving
after a week's stay, the Texan said, "Doc! I am a man of my word. You
name it and if it is humanly possible, I'll get it for you."

"Well," said the doctor, "I love to play golf, so if I could have a
matching set of golf clubs that would be fine."

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole,
he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!"
under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
"Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on

the green only six inches from the hole!

"Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole
instead of going in.

"HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his