A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.

He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"

The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her so good looking?"

"So you could love her, my son."

"Why did you make her such a good cook?"

"So you could love her, my son."

The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"

"So she could love you, my son."

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.

When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.

She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.

She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth.
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided
to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished
his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four.

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another
40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live,"

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come
in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live,
she figured she might as well make the most of it.

A blonde finds herself in dire trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial
straits.
She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray...
"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get
some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me
win the
lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays...
"God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.

10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he
wouldn't ask for directions.

9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV
remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see
what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)

8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.

7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new
one for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so man would
live a long and healthy life.

But Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
double cheeseburger. And McDonald's said to man, "You want fries
with that?" And man said "Supersize them" and man gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my fresh salad."

But Satan created ice cream. And man gained pounds.

And God said, I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive
oil with which to cook them. "