Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

"In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?"

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too
easy.

Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I
got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I
cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict
with him.

GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so
She thought she would take off her panties and use
Them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
that had a wreath with a ribbon on it,