You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar,
four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking
soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice,
nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on
the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted
a man driving very erratically through the
streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over
and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so
me and the lads stopped by the pub where I
had six or seven pints. And then there was
something called "Happy Hour" and they served
these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I
had four or five o' those. Then I had to
drive me friend Mike home and O' course I
had to go in for a couple of Guiness;
couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped

A funny story has it that, late one night, a party-goer decided
it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a
poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open
grave.

He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and
again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he
settled in a corner to wait for sunlight.

A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell
victim to the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and
claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful.

A man asks the only other guy in the bar if he can buy him a drink.
“Of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks him, “Where are you from?”

“Ireland,” replies the second.

“I’m from Ireland, too! Let’s have another round, to Ireland.”

“Cheers!” replies the other, and they both toss back their drinks.

The first man asks, “Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin,” comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it!” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin, too! Let’s have another
drink, to Dublin!

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a
beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong,
that's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk
walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our
argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,
"Sorry, I don't live around here."

A man who had his share of the bottle, decides to go
ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking
around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into
the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of
sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky.
"You will find no fish under that ice."

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts
sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I
said before, there are no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't
see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one

Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at
the local pub. He made such a racket hitting into the furniture
as he weaved his way through the house, that he woke up the missus.

"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the
bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't waken the neighbours."

"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinnes up the stairs" he shouted.

"Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted down

"I can't" he said "I've drank it!"

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender
serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts.
Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.

The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! He downs
another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!!!
Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of
the last dart.

Three bulls eyes!!!

All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches