A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him
he owes $8.
"But I already paid you! Don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, then I suppose
you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that
the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid
or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later
pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose
you did."

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the
drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies,
"What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says
to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer,
which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no
stipulation of remuneration."

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.

The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as
well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is
old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully
tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest
drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and
the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first
sip of alcohol.

A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the
bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender
saying, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink, then asks the newcomer
what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says,
"I'll have a waterloo too.'"
The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink. He takes a big drink
and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water ! "
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it
IS water...right Lou?"

A patron ordered a Manhattan. When it was served there was a
piece of parsley floating in the glass.
"What in the world is this?" asked the man.
The bartender peered into the glass and replied, "That's Central
Park."