A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was
raining and put his head out the window to check. As he
did so a glass eye fell into his hand.

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a
young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the
man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed.
Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner.
There's plenty; would you like to join me?"

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.
He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the
front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he
says. "That's cool," says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby
what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they
will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's
father responds "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear
all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. The
owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely
gorgeous full-length coat.

As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and
discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday.
You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has
cleared." The man and the woman leave.

A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking
spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw
a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a
young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine
and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting.

He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's
window and knocked. The young man looked up, obligingly
cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"I'm reading this magazine," answered the young man.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

There was a young virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater,
"Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in
a date with a good girl?"

-----------------------
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

My cousin Marvin owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing
businesses in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that
he needed to take a trip to Italy to check out the merchandise
himself, and because he was still single, he could check out
all the hot Italian women.
As Marvin was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady... she only spoke Italian and he only
spoke English, so neither understood a word the other spoke.
He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi.