To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, we are
proposing to have a special 'No Excuse Sunday.'

1. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say,'Sunday is my
only day to sleep in.'

2. They will have steel helmets for those who say, 'The roof will
cave in if I ever came to church.'

3. Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and
fans for those who say it is too hot.

4.There will be hearing aids for those who say, 'The paster speaks
too softly,' and cotton for those who say, 'He preaches too
loudly.'

A father is In church with three of his young children, including
his five-year-old daughter.
As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children
could properly witness the service.
During this particular service, the minister was performing the
baptism of a tiny infant. The five-year-old was taken by the whole
procedure of pouring water over the infant's head...
With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her
father and whispered, "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?

A farmer named O'Rourke lived alone in the countryside with a
pet dog which he loved and doted on...
After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so
O'Rourke went to the parish priest: "Father, my dear old dog is
dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Michael replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your
dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down
the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do
something for the animal."

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers
passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat,
the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for
me Daddy, I'm under five."