An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said,"Well, I'll run in and out and in an out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

A duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants
when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all
over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the duke. "I must
find him."

After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes
across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the
boy admits that it was he who
shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows