In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size
of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute
cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
Then take a dump in the woods. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out
of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I wanna be a bear.