You believe every dog is a lap dog.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

You have a picture of your dog in your wallet,
but not one of your kids.

You have your dog talk to your friends on the
phone.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large
enough for you and your dog(s).

You spend more on clothes and food for your
dog than you do for yourself.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty
dog.

When you need someone to talk to, your dog
is your first choice.

SHORTLY AFTER my husband and I settled in a rural part of Florida, a
neighboring farmer gave us a piglet. Thrilled, we named our new pet
Peggy and taught her several tricks. A few weeks later we asked the
farmer to take Peggy while we were on vacation. We left her happily
playing with the other piglets, but when we returned, we realized all
piglets look alike. We didn't think we'd be able to pick out Peggy. Then
my husband yelled, "Sit!" And one little pig sat down.

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by
Susan Horn

1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed
in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet