A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a
dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.

"This is a very smart dog," the man commented.

"Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets
a good hand he wags his tail."

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water,
and put both lids up.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards
the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self
agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come
from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "
power-wash" and "rinse".)

5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there

How agri-corporations around the world would treat their cows.

NORTH AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and
force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three
cows.

JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them to 1/10 the size
of ordinary cows, producing 20 times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoons called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN: You have two cows, re-engineered so they'll live for 100

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant, named Calle. It seems that
Calle has a chronic illness which requires daily medication. The
zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a
pharmacologist developed a suppository for her.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by
the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame, California.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including
one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears
a full-arm glove.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS?

It's hot summer, ninety degrees. A rabbit sits under the shadow of a tree and sharpens a stick with a knife.
A wolf passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill a bear.
- ???
A vixen passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill a bear.
- ???
The bear passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick and bullshiting.

-- A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and
says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says
"Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but
can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell
is....

Scroll down.......

Get ready.....

Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in heaven? If so - will I have to apologize?

How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom if ever smell each other?
Where are their priorities?

When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine,
so...I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed
my blessing?

When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch or is it the same old story?

One day in the forest, three animals were discussing
who among them was the most powerful.

"I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop
down swiftly at my prey."

"That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only
fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws."

"I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because
with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you."

Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the
forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . .
hawk, lion, and stinker.

A little turtle begins to climb a tree
slowly. After long hours of effort, he
reaches the top, jumps into the air waving
his front legs, until he crashes heavily
into the ground with a hard knock on his
shell. After recovering his consciousness,
he starts to climb the tree again, jumps
again, and knocks the ground heavily again.

The little turtle persisted again and again
while a couple of birds sitting at the edge
of a branch, watched the turtle with pain.
Suddenly the female bird says to the male,
"Hey dear, I think it's time to tell our

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm ly-
ing under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the
sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or
after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.