2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings,
555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of
the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

**Our experienced mother will care for your child. Fenced
yards, meals and smacks included.

**Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing
to travel.

**Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion.

**We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
carefully by hand.

**For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

**Wanted: hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

**Wanted: man to take care of cow that does not smoke or
drink.

The following "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona
newspapers: Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's slim,5'-
4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing
companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting,
shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean,

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, slim, 5-4
(used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing
companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband
looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting,shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean,
yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

- rough condition... too bad to lie about

- parts car... beyond repair

- immaculate... recently washed

- engine quiet... if you use 90-weight oil

- needs minor overhaul... needs engine

- needs major overhaul... Phone the junkyard

- burns no oil... (it all leaks out)

- rebuilt engine... Cleaned the spark plugs.

- Drive it away... I live on a hill.

- Drive it anywhere... (within 10 miles)

- desirable classic... No one wants it.

- rare classic... No one wanted it even when it was new.

- stored 20 years... (in a farmer's field)