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A man goes to a bar with his dog.

He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"

The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."

"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua.

The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it.

When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32.

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.

As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" Said the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" The cop asked.

"My wife." Said the man.

There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter.

He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter; I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"

So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold; the nonconformist bird had never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might freeze to death.

1. You dream in Javascript and Hypertext language.
2.Instead of laughing out loud when u find something funny in the real world u just say LOL.
3.You say you can do a 360 Fingerflip to Amateur Skaters but you don't say, in Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4.
4.You get wet dreams after you bought a computer with a GeForce MX motherboard.
5.You waste time on the internet looking for meaningless jokes like this one.

A man sits alone in a far corner of a bar, quietly drinking for about three hours. Suddenly, he jumps up and shouts for all to hear, "All lawyers are assholes!"

He sits back down, intending to finish his drink. Soon, though, a huge, husky fellow approaches him and proceeds to pummel him mercilessly, leaving him lying on the floor in a heap.

As the husky man is leaving the bar, the bartender says to him, "I suppose you're a lawyer?"

The husky man replies, "No, I'm an asshole!"

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No" her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" Mom asked. "Yes." "How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."

A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.

First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.

After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog.